No, I cannot say that I’m ‘over it,’ or that I am any less sad but I am less something. I can’t find the word for it but I am less it.
There is a stage that I am sure is titled, “THE FUCK YOU ALL” stage. I am in a mild stage of that. I kind of find it refreshing. I am not being rude or giving the bird, but am not caring so much about what leadership thinks. Maybe that is my lesson out of all of this, to learn that giving a shit about what others think of me professionally, shouldn’t factor in my self-belief.
I delivered a PD to staff without much worry (when normally I would) – even when the head of the entire school turned up for the first time in my 18 months there. On a side note, she has either been out of the classroom too long – thus asking stupid questions or just wanted to appear like she could contribute. Either way, she displayed some qualities in that meeting that I am not a fan of. I have also given feedback to my head that I might not have in the past – in fear of him cracking the shits….because man, can he crack it. I don’t care anymore Joan if he doesn’t like what I say. As long as I say it from a place of integrity, where the interests of the children are at the centre – then I shall just say it.
Asking for feedback regarding my interview is something I am still not ready for. I have reflected on all my own deficiencies and could give you a handful of why I didn’t get the job – I just don’t want to hear from someone I don’t like too much. I figure you don’t want to read the things I am crap at – and I really don’t want a response from you telling me I am not those things. I shall own them. Work on them. Try to learn from them.
Being honest, I nearly pulled out of the interview, then nearly pulled out after the interview – because I actually thought that I didn’t want to work with these people. Turns out they didn’t want to work with me either. HAhahaha. I should see it as a blessing really. And I think I will…eventually. It just means I am stuck here. Setting personal goals like…driving more, having Eve time
Setting personal goals like…driving more, having Eve time etc etc will have to be my focus. I still do not want to do a masters. I do want to go to church more though. Drive first, church second – need the driving to do the church.
Anyway Joan, I just wanted you to know, that as terrible as last weekend was, that weekend has now finished.
Get your celebrating women thing in! I am going to do this weekend.
Love you Joan.